One thing I really love about and what drew me to AA are the steps. I’ve done them before through Alanon and see them as a structure upon which to rebuild a life. For me they’re about looking closely at myself, letting go of control over that which I have no control , and developing a relationship and faith in a higher power to take the reigns of my life. They also encourage self-reflection and a willingness to take responsibility for my part in my circumstances and relationships. They conclude with developing a regular practice of connecting with my higher power, self-reflection and truthfulness, and reaching out in support of others.
Step 2 asks me to examine my ideas about what higher power means to me. What do I know for sure? I’ve never had a problem with believing in a power greater than myself, although I resist the word God. To me that implies it’s a person, and I don’t believe it’s any kind of being. I believe it’s an energy that no one can name or describe. I think the fewer words said about it, the closer I am to what it is. But I will try anyway.
I believe there is an omnipotent energy that is unconditionally accepting and non-judging, loving, compassionate, powerful, and wise. This energy will always be aligned toward happiness, love, and the relief of suffering. It ‘wants’ us to have and do the same. This energy is everywhere including inside of us. We each contain a spark of this- what can I call it…energy? the light? the Force? If we are aligned with it, stoke it, our spark glows, ignites, flames up. When we are aligned with this energy and in the flow, we are happy, we are able to spread that happiness, and magic and miracles abound. Eventually we become one with the energy and have the omniscience and power to really be of benefit to all beings. All we have to do is stop doing things that put out the flame, and do things that stoke the flame. The energy is like the sun, it shines everywhere, but it’s our job to put ourselves in its rays, and we can even do things that work like a magnifying glass to condense its rays like a laser beam.
So these days I’m asking myself, what do I do to put out my inner, or higher, self and power? What is it that makes me want to do this? How do I recognize if what I’m doing is aligned with the light or if it’s tamping it out? How do I stop tamping it out, and what can I do to stoke the flame?